Tears in the hallway and small arms that will not let go. Most parents go through it at some point – during settling in, after the summer holidays or when the child has been home ill for a while. It is hard on you, but almost always over a few minutes after you have left. Here is what usually helps, at home and with us.
Is it normal?
Yes. Protesting when a parent leaves is a healthy sign: your child is securely attached to you and knows exactly who they want. According to the Swedish health guide 1177, children around eighteen months can become more sensitive to separations again and need more closeness, and may worry about being left. After a break – a holiday, Christmas or a longer illness – the routine also has to be rebuilt. Expect a few days of a gentle restart, not a problem.
Soap bubbles on an outing. A teacher your child knows makes all the difference in the hallway.
Prepare at home
- Look at pictures from preschool together – the rooms, the yard, the friends. If you do not have any, ask us and we will gladly send some.
- Talk about the friends and the teachers your child likes and feels safe with: ”Tomorrow she will be the one meeting you in the hallway.”
- Describe the day in your child’s own words: ”First breakfast, then the yard, and after the afternoon snack Dad comes.”
- The same morning routine every day, with plenty of time. Stress is contagious – and so is calm.
- End the break gently. Talk about preschool during the last days of the holiday, and perhaps walk past the yard one afternoon.
Tell us – and we will prepare
The most important tip is the simplest: let us know in advance. If we know a drop-off may be hard, we can prepare on our side.
- A teacher your child trusts meets you in the hallway – every day, and the same person as far as possible.
- Something to go to straight away. We set out a play station with what we know your child likes – the train set, the watercolours or the reading corner.
- A plan for the first moments, so that your child does not have to stand in the hallway and wait.
- Pictures sent to you during the day, so that you can see it is working – and relax at work.
The train set – a favourite, set out and ready when your child arrives.
The goodbye itself
- Always say goodbye. Sneaking off while your child looks away creates more worry next time.
- Short and warm: a hug, ”I will be back after the afternoon snack”, and hand over to the teacher – from your arms to ours.
- Leave when you have said you are leaving. Coming back after two minutes only prolongs the hard part.
- Feel free to send a text message after a while – we will tell you how it went. When we are with the children we cannot always answer the phone, but we reply to texts as soon as we can.
After a holiday or an illness
Small children do not share our sense of time. Three weeks of holiday can feel like a brand-new preschool. Expect a few days of a gentle restart: slightly shorter days if possible, extra time at drop-off and the teacher your child knows best. Let us know the day before, and we will be ready.
When do we need to think one step further?
If the sadness lasts well into the day, day after day for several weeks, or if your child seems unhappy at home too – talk to us. Then we make a plan together, with closer check-ins and, if needed, a new short settling-in period. The child health centre (BVC) is also there for you.
Would you like to talk about how it is going for your child?
Get in touch with us in Kista or Hässelby – we are happy to make a plan together with you.
Read more: Settling in at preschool · How to apply for a preschool place
Sources (in Swedish)
